On September of 2015 Stanley and I got our first apartment together. It was hard for me to make the decision right away on what apartment we wanted in a particular complex because I wanted it to be within a certain budget of around 800 for rent and this place had none that were in my range. I was strict with that up until we found an apartment that I saw and loved… it was perfect. We got a 2 bedroom for 850 although I wanted a one bedroom. Nothing seemed to be going my way but I went with it. We moved in and later in October of 2015 we got married. (side note: I really can’t help but cry as I type up this little chapter of my life that changed it forever). I worked a lot so it seemed I couldn’t enjoy myself as much as I wanted to and my husband was either at work or the gym. We had it easy going and made this apartment our own. I wasn’t pushy with decoration because I figured we weren’t staying for so long in terms of years because we had goals of saving up to move into a house. At first it was tough because somehow money wasn’t adding up until I got a couple of raises so we had it easier after that. We had an amazing time together and here in this apartment. We went to South Beach Florida for our honeymoon, in February we went to the Baltimore aquarium, in April we went to the Dominican Republic to visit my family and it was his first time there for a week. A month later we went to our first music festival known as EDC. We were literally having the time of our lives. That ended quickly when I found out I was pregnant and 6 weeks along at the end of July 2016 so we weren’t even married a year yet… 2 weeks later I saw my baby’s heart beat for the first time and I was still in shock that there was a growing life inside of me. What quickly turned into my happiness into a deep depression was Hyperemesis Gravidarum or HG for short totally ruined a lot of things. It basically affects 1-2% of pregnancies and plagues you with nausea and vomiting the entire time. While it eased into the 2nd trimester it then came back with a vengeance on my 3rd trimester late January. At that point I stood home not knowing if it was ever going to let up and let me have a normal pregnancy. I kept losing more and more weight because of my lack of eating… it’s just crazy how things happen. Basically in the beginning of my third trimester I was hospitalized every other week until I had my daughter late February 2017 exactly 2 weeks after my 25th birthday. God was with me in the delivery room and the awesome team of doctors and nurses that made my life bearable as I had to be induced and gave birth so quickly although it was an 18-hour long labor she came out safe and sound and I have only God to thank. I had such a long and hard pregnancy that ended up with me developing anxiety so bad that I couldn’t kick it on my own. I wished and hoped and prayed so badly that it would go away but with time it got worse and I really feel that things happen for a reason. Eventually it led to me having to leave my high paying job. That high paying job was what also led to a lot of my anxiety because of the stress and the hours I had to work. I was in no shape to continue that path but I was thankful for the opportunity given. I haven’t been able to work since and have been going to a psychiatrist and a therapist. Long story short there was trial and error with medication but I’m on one now that seems to be working and I am very thankful that it is. (enter Tiana’s room sticker here)
A couple of months ago my mother in law asked me if Stan and I would consider moving back home and I didn’t have a problem with it because I had no choice. I said yes for the both of us…. Then Early June 2017 as I was starting to take one of my trial and error medications I was so sick I could barely function… I ended up moving into my in-law’s house a little early we weren’t set to move until end of July after Stanley’s sister got married and stayed there all through June up until today, July 9th. I am now taking this time to pack up the apartment that started out our lives together. I love it here so much. It’s going to be an emotional roller coaster for me to leave this place. I set up my baby girls room just for her to have her own little space with her name on the wall and everything she needs in that room. I’m so torn because I don’t know what I could have done differently to help myself in order to pick up the pace and get a job even if its part time anything helps when it comes to saving money and moving. I can’t help but look around my bedroom and remember the first few days that it took to move everything in, signing the lease and getting the keys, packing up my car with a ton of boxes. Elie falling off the back of the U-haul truck for being dumb and thinking he could hold on to it while it was moving (funniest video ever!) I remember Eric helping Stanley set up our dining room table, buying the appliances we needed, sleeping on the couches cause we didn’t have our bed set up yet and waking up at the crack of dawn because we didn’t have the blinds we needed for the double sliding doors to our beautiful little patio over-looking a piece of a huge pond and beautiful trees everywhere, geese and 2 swans. We loved every minute of our freedom, cuddling, watching movies, having our friends over, working out our tough times, the good times were very short lived but everything else I have got nothing but to be thankful that my baby girl is fine despite my lack of nutrition throughout pregnancy. I remember all her gifts from the baby shower we brought in. My friend Alisen came all the way down from NY and helped bring some gifts over to the apartment and although I didn’t have the energy to go through it I still did because I knew my daughter was so blessed before she even came out into this world we live in. She is now 4 months old and getting so big and beautiful. (enter gift picture here)
I basically have 3 weeks left in this apartment and it’s slowly breaking my heart. I have gone through so much here from getting married to getting pregnant, then finally having my baby as well as adjusting to a new life as a mother. To top it all off I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He helped me get through some of my toughest times not only during my pregnancy but even after. He has seen me cry endlessly for the smallest things to the most stressful and he was always there to support me. So today when he told me “Babe, I’m definitely going to miss this place” then I said “I know me too but we have to think on to bigger and better, right?”. The mission now is to save up enough money to get a house and we are not sure yet where or how much we are willing to pay. I’d really like to pay down some debt and then I know for sure we will be able to save the adequate amount needed. But until I fully recover and find a job. I’m not going anywhere and that’s what’s killing me. I was always a busy body. When I was in college I worked, went out with friends whenever I had a chance, went to Stanley’s house every night even if I had homework to do while Netflix is on in the background playing some amazing show (the walking dead, breaking bad, pretty little liars etc.) I can honestly say this was a huge life adjustment to not come home and find cooked food like I did when I lived at my mom’s house but that’s what makes living on your own more interesting. You can cook and eat whatever u want, when you want.
Lastly, I just want to reel back into my journey here in this apartment. The memories here will last a lifetime, memories that Tiana won’t know or remember, but one that Stanley and I can look back and say we did it on our own and we can surely do it again. I love this place and it will always have a special place in my heart. I never thought I would have to move back home but you know what? I can’t complain. I am so blessed beyond belief in so many areas of my life that I absolutely can’t wait to see what my life will look like when Stanley and I finally buy a house. I can’t wait for Tiana to grow up in our own house and have all her memories stored there. Here’s to the end of a chapter and opening a new one to Godly devotion, cleaning up finances and finally getting my house… It’s been real.
Blessings to all. Xoxo